Documentation

One of the most important lessons a person learns when they become a parent is the practice (and art) of documentation.  It is vital to your History, to your sanity, to your future.  Let me illustrate.

The above photo is an instance that requires instant documentation.  The events leading up to this are irrelevant.  Document.  And mark in a folder for “HS Graduation” and subfolder “Newspaper (if there still is such a thing.)”

The other reason to document, is so that there is sufficient evidence for medical purposes and possible blackmail.  When your spouse comes home from work and finds you blankly walking into the corner repeatedly while muttering “it was only for a second…it was only for a second…it was only for a second,” in a pool of dribble, with one eye twitching uncontrollably (yes, you’ve read of the eye twitch before,) you will have sufficient and beneficial medical history that will help the psychiatrist determine the exact moment (or series of events) that led to your complete mental breakdown.

You will also have sufficient evidence as to why your ears are bleeding.

And…

Why your liver resembles a pickle or a bunch of dried raisins.

Why you haven’t showered in … several days.

Why your blood smells like a fine merlot.

We all know why your boobs sag to your belly button…but the chew marks on your nipples are another example of a story you’ve documented.

Why your eyes occasionally roll to the back of your head.

Why your trapezoid muscles are so tight that a 6’4″ 240 lb man could stand on one while you’re holding the phone chatting on the phone with your other.

Why your hair is prematurely grey.

Why your black dog resembles a Christmas fruit cake.

Why your molars are ground down to nubbins.

Why you have the upper body strength of a gymnast, but the ass of a carnival side show act.

 
You see, new parents, there are so many reasons, for health alone, to document these kinds of events in your children’s lives.  Fortunately, your consistent documentation is also the reason that your children know that you love them and that you try not to take too many things for granted or too seriously. 
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